A Matter Of Resiliency.

voltee ♦ March 29, 2011 ♦ 4 Comments

Item: Sweater Color/Fabric: Blue/white, acrylic Designer: Betsey Johnson Where Purchased: The Salvation Army Years Owned: One
This week, I have found cause for much reflecting. Next week will be the one year anniversary of the surgery on my hip, so I’ve been thinking about all that has happened in the span of a year.
It’s odd. I can distinctly remember how the days seemed to tick away at a tortuously slow pace.
Now, here I am, looking back, and I am amazed at how fast the months flew past.
It hasn’t been the easiest year. I think it was around August when I knew for certain that I was pretty much healed from the surgery, but still had constant aching pain.
And wouldn’t you know it, there was some evidence that the worst pain inducing culprit in my body may not have been my hip after all.
It turns out that there is a cyst in my spine growing at an odd place that might have been making my life a little bit worse for the past three years.
Tomorrow I am having a test to figure out what exactly it is, and what exactly it’s doing to me. And I have to admit, I am scared.
I think that perhaps the hardest part of the last year hasn’t been the physical part so much as the emotional. It’s been a struggle on a daily basis to see people who ask me “How is your leg?” “Looks like you recovered well! How are you feeling?” and so on. What can I say? “Oh, actually, the hip is fine now, thanks for asking. My pain may actually be caused by a problem with my spine, so now I have to figure out what that’s all about.” Who has the time to listen? Mostly I just smile and say “Yep. All healed!”
It’s like I’ve been lying for months.
And my career is not the easiest to have when dealing with chronic pain. No one wants to be pushed through a workout by a grimacing weakling who feels about ready to burst into tears. Of course not. I’ve had to be strong for my clients.
It’s not a bad thing. On the contrary, I think it’s a big reason why I recovered so quickly from surgery.
So. What does all of this have to do with a leopard-print cardigan?
I wore this to the hospital when I was having my surgery, an event I think I documented comprehensively here.
Yes, I wore it over that blue dress, and it made me happy. I know that I have many, many animal print haters out there who are cringing at this and will vote down every animal print anything I list.
But I do love just a touch of leopard in an unexpected way. And I have always been a huge Betsey Johnson fan, even if I haven’t always felt brave enough to try some of her more avant garde styles.
I was very, very excited to find this at Uncle Sal’s on a half-price Wednesday. I know it is missing three of the diamond buttons, but I still think it’s fun.
So. What does this have to do with the grey satin Betsey Johnson peep-toes?
Well, I thought I would throw them into the picture to dazzle my leopard haters a little bit. I bought these, along with two other amazing pairs, on Saturday at an ideeli red sale, one of my favorite occurrences in the world. (Go here to try ideeli)
And I also just wanted to look at them some more and remind myself that when I am through with this scary procedure, I can think of an occasion to wear these.
And also to reiterate that, contrary to what my mother believes, wearing heels did not cause my spine trouble. 99% of every week I am in sneakers. That minuscule 1% in heels could not have this effect on anyone. Just so you know.
I know that in the end of all this I will be just fine. It seems like every day I am amazed by another example of the resilience of the human race, physically and mentally. It’s the path to getting there that has me a little worried at the moment.
I have to apologize that this post is so random. I just can’t get my mind to focus on anything else right now.
Why don’t you vote on this cardigan?