Excuse Me, But Can I Be You For A While?

voltee ♦ June 5, 2014 ♦ Leave a comment

Item: Jacket. Color/Fabric: Wedding Pink, Viscose. Designer: Kate Spade. Where Purchased: Marshall’s. Years Owned: Just over one.

So tonight, I have a few things to confess. The first is that I love this jacket dearly, and it is one of my favorite pieces. I will probably not get rid of it, even if you beg me to. As for the second… well, we’ll get there.
But first, let me tell you about this jacket. When I think of Kate Spade, I think of clean lines, a polished, classic beauty. And that’s just what I thought when I found this jacket, buried deep within a Marshall’s clearance rack. My heart thrilled, delighting in subtle, elegant details, like the stitching on the collar, the heavy metal buttons, and the poppy lining, designed by Florence Broadhurst. I was in love! I tried it on, and I felt like a woman, like Jackie O, even. I knew that it would be a staple in my closet for years to come. And how appropriate for a mini vacay to Vermont!
But how does one accessorize a bright pink Kate Spade Jacket? With big black sunglasses, a large handbag, and a lovely silk blouse. Oh, yeah! And toilet paper hanging out of my pants! Ah, perfection!!
Yes. I did that. A surely as the sun does shine!
It seems that, no matter how hard I try, I just will never be a flawlessly chic, classy lady. There will always be a smidgeon of country-bumpkinism inside of me. It’s just destiny. I can’t fight it. I won’t stop trying, though!
But. To the story! I started out the day feeling fabulous. Nate and I were on a little Vermont getaway, staying at one of our favorite quaint inns, and embarking on an all day brewery tour, zipping around the countryside in our tiny red car. It was a beautiful September day, and I felt wonderful, basking in sun and love and delicious ales.
I’m not sure exactly when things went awry. There we went, one brewery after another, getting our adorable beer passports stamped with multicolored, whimsical stamps, traveling the entire length of the rather small state. They never really give you large enough sample to get intoxicated, but I was feeling a little silly, a little tipsy. And I guess, by the end of the excursion, a little sloppy.
One of our last stops was the Magic Hat Brewery, which, although it was one of the more commercial spots we visited, was filled with delicious potions, and actual magic hats! Like this one:

We were there for a while, ordering samples from the bar, taking pictures in the booth, perusing wares for gifts, waiting in line for purchases.
Yes. I was all over that place, walking every square inch, proudly displaying my TP Tail to the seething mass of patrons inside.
Completely, blissfully unaware!
I discovered the atrocity upon leaving. After turning the same color as my beloved jacket, I immediately turned on my husband.
“How, how, HOW could you have let me walk around like that? With TOILET PAPER hanging out of my pants??”
A shrug. “I didn’t notice,” was his sheepish response.
Hmm. He didn’t notice? Really?? Hope welled up inside of me. Maybe no one else noticed, either! Maybe everyone was too drunk to notice the happy, silly girl with the TP Tail!
Upon examining the evidence, though, I’m afraid my hope was groundless.

There are so many things wrong with this picture. One, it looks like I am standing next to an outhouse. Two, my blouse is bunched up unflatteringly. Three, the look on my face already looks embarrased, like I totally knew I had TP hanging out of my pants. And four. You can totally see the TP. Totally.
Sigh.
No one is perfect, right?
Not even Jackie O.
I’m certain she had her fair share of TP tales to tell! Right? Right??
One last confession.
This is not even the first time this has happened to me.
Country Bumpkin, 4-Eva.