‘Twas Brillig.

voltee ♦ April 10, 2012 ♦ 2 Comments

Item: Tee-shirt Color/Fabric: Black, cotton Designer: Hanes Where Purchased: Bowling Green state University Years Owned: 15

Last week, I decided that I would write about tee-shirts for a bit, starting with the yellow one I already posted. Tees are a difficult thing for me. I just never really wear them. I have a few that I really love, but I have an entire dresser that is almost entirely filled with tees I never wear. A few I will pull out for a rehearsal, or painting, or something of that nature. Many are shut in the Vault of Nostalgery, a special drawer I wrote about here. I pulled this gem from the vault tonight.
This tee is positively rife with memories. It’s one of those things where my breath catches just from looking at it. This is a souvenir of my short-lived career in the BGSU Theater Department.
My journey there started in my senior year of high school. My dear friend Erica and I decided to audition for “A Christmas Carol” on the college campus.
It was A Very Big Deal. There was a very clear, undeniable feeling that this one night could change our lives forever.
I’m sure it’s how people who audition for American Idol feel.
We were so nervous it took us nearly 10 minutes to get out of the car. When we finally did, I’m 99% sure we walked into the audition holding hands.
And were faced with one of the largest, most imposing, sternest, mustachioed men I have ever seen.
I almost walked out of the room instantly.
Erica, always the brave one when it counted, made me stay.
The audition is mostly a blur. From my hazy thoughts, I remember crawling on the floor with actual children, pretending to be various inanimate objects, and enduring a long, intense stare-down from the Stern Mustachioed Man. I felt angry, exhausted, strangely proud, and a little ashamed by the end of the night.
Erica and I cried in the car for about an hour after it was all over.
A habit I just can’t seem to shake after auditions…
The stern Mustachioed Man mentioned callbacks on another date. This was the very first time I had heard that word. I assumed it meant that he would call us.
And no call ever came. It was crushing.
A year later, I was a freshman at BGSU. I had decided to audition for the Freshman Show, Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast, because it was about Alice In Wonderland, a lifelong favorite book of mine.
When I got there, there were more people than I could count, some with head shots, some with legwarmers. Both things utterly terrified me.
It seemed like everyone was chatting with someone else, non-nonchalant, like this was an every day occurrence.
I knew no one. And I was shaking.
And then, who should come out to greet us? The Stern Mustachioed Man!
My blood went cold, and I almost vomited. I wanted to leave. And this time I had no Erica to urge me to stay.
Then I thought about Alice, and the Jaberwock, and Bread-and-Butter-Flies. I realized that I absolutely belonged there, even alone. I stayed.
And was cast as The Mock Turtle!
At our very first rehearsal, there was a moment where Stern Mustachioed Man started to stare at me. For a realllly awkward amount of time.
“Did you auditon for A Christmas Carol?”
I nodded.
More staring.
“You never came to the callback.”
Even more staring.
And then he just moved on to something else.
Hmm.
Anyway, I loved our production so much. It was weird, and wonderful, and scary, and brimming with metaphors. Also, I got to cry for practically the entire show!
The only friends I ever made at BGSU were from that show. We were so close that the Hedgehogs even got married!
And now…well, I haven’t contacted anyone involved in that show in five years. Maybe more.
I miss my friends. Desperately.
And in the end, I grew to love the Stern Mustachioed Man. He believed in me.
I don’t think I realized how rare a thing that is until years later; to find someone who truly believes in you.
I wish I had appreciated it more while I was there.
I wish I had appreciated so many things while I was there.
I wish- well, many, many things. Mostly, I guess, that life wouldn’t have to be quite so fast.
Anyway.
This isn’t really something I wear, but I can’t let myself get rid of it. For one thing, my friend Will drew it, and it really captured our crazy production. Plus, it really looks like our Alice. But my favorite part is the back:

A classic line. I love that the words start to disintegrate at the end. Except that it sort of looks like “We’re all MAC.” Perhaps this is a prophetic tee.
So is it worth hanging on to this for purely sentimental reasons? I just don’t know…