The Sound Of Silence.

voltee ♦ March 22, 2012 ♦ 1 Comment

Item: Sweater Color/Fabric: Brown/orange, wool/cashmere Designer: Prada Where Purchased: Woodbury Common Years Owned: 5

I want to write tonight. So badly! I long for the gentle pressure of the keys beneath my fingers, and the encouragement of the happy blinking cursor. To sort my thoughts into straight, orderly lines that end with a period. Or an exclamation point!
But sometimes the wanting just isn’t enough.
Tonight, I only have a sweater. It’s not whispering any forgotten memories into my ear. It doesn’t seem to have a tale to tell.
It’s just a brown sweater on a tiny mannequin.
I’m not sure what brought this sweater into my mind the other day. I haven’t worn it in so long.
I did write extensively about the day I got this (read it here), so I won’t spend much time on that tonight. Just say that it’s still one of my most painful memories…

Actually, there is one occasion where I am absolutely certain of wearing this little sweater. It was after my very first show at the Center, Chicago, and I wore it to an audition. My favorite type of audition- one where I wasn’t actually auditioning!

I went just to support Nate, but it ended up being a rather fateful evening. I ran into Annie, who is a dear friend now, but then I was just getting to know. She told me that she was looking for help at her job, and asked if I might be interested in working one or two nights a week, in child care.

It turns out that she worked at a gym called MAC Fitness, and I took the job.  Somehow, six years has gone by!  And still, I work for MAC Fitness.

I went from childcare to the Front Desk, to the Front Desk Manager, to a Personal Trainer, and for the past three and a half years, Personal Training Manager.

And so I have a career.  Which is something I thought I’d never have, or even want, but, somehow, here I am.

And so I am blessed.  I can’t imagine my life without the people who have become a part of it through MAC Fitness.  I have an amazing staff, and unbelievable clients.

But sometime I can’t help but wonder where I would be now if I had said no to Annie.  Would I have gotten to sit at my spot by the river on this gorgeous day, with my notebook, and my coffee thermos, and my racing mind, watching birds and writing relentlessly?

I suppose there’s no use in asking questions like that.  There isn’t an answer.

I do believe that there is a reason and a purpose for all that occurs.  And that where I’m meant to be is where I am, in this moment, in the present.

What more is there to know?