You Ain’t Ever Gonna Burn My Heart Out.

voltee ♦ December 1, 2010 ♦ 6 Comments

Item: Dress Color/Fabric: Sapphire blue, velvet Designer: Gap Kids Years Owned: 15
So are you ready for this madness today? It’s pretty intense. I could not believe my shock when I pulled this little number out of a trunk this weekend when I was looking for my library shelves. This I have not laid eyes on in years. I thought briefly about trying it on, and then thought better of it. It is a size 11/12. As in for eleven or twelve-year olds.
And wouldn’t you know it? I wore this in high school.

I know that you most likely looked at this picture today and thought you were seeing an excited middle school “couple” headed off to a hop.
Nope. That would be me as a junior in high school, and Nate already graduated.
This picture is at the very beginning of our courtship.
It may actually be the first picture ever taken of the two of us, I’m not sure. That’s why it’s not in the best condition; it’s not the dress that was dirty, it’s the picture. It is 15 years old, after all.
I wish I could remember what dance this was. I think it was winter or maybe early spring- it may have been a homecoming dance. But the reason we are grinning like idiots is because a) we were always like that in those days and b) I was supposed to be going to this dance by myself.
Nate was out of town. I think that it may have been his trip to New Mexico to see his friends the Matthews. He ended up going home early so he could take me to this silly dance.
I found this to be an incredibly sweet gesture.
I was excited about everything then, but I was extra excited about this dance. I was on some sort of committee, and was in charge of decorating the cafeteria for the event. Oh, Eastwood High School Cafeteria! How many memories I have of your rectangular pizza, your smooth benches, your iceberg lettuce salads with an occasional beetle, your squat milk cartons, eating with chopsticks on your food trays, and getting publicly humiliated by psycho ex-boyfriends at your long crowded tables! How I miss you!
I had a great time with the decorating. We went with a celestial theme, and strung together star mobiles to hang from the ceiling. These ended up being so gorgeous that people took them down after the dance to hang in their bedrooms.
I have this random memory of decorating with my friend Erica, and telling her that the Smashing Pumpkins song “Tonight, Tonight” always made me think of her because there was something about a lake in it. Oh, the 90’s!!
And then I remember getting ready for the dance at my friend Andee’s house, and being so hyper and squealy that our heads were probably in danger of exploding. Oh, some of the best times of my life were in that house, getting ready for some Big Event, even if it was just a football game.
She was dating Nate’s friend Bryan at that time, and I think that he wasn’t supposed to go either, but surprised her, too.
These pictures were taken in her living room, in front of the fire place, which was the prime photo taking spot in the Welling household.
This was a big moment, this picture.
Andee and I would immortalize this moment as the moment that Nate and I became a Serious Couple. He was willing to drop everything just to accompany me to a dance in a cafeteria where he did not know anyone. Of course it was true love!
This moment can best be summarized by the Oasis song “Don’t Look Back.” I remember Andee writing out the lyrics in a note to me during the difficult transition of her breakup from Bryan. Do kids these days still write notes? I think notes are fantastic, and I miss them. I’m done with this texting crap. I’m going back to notes!
Another important memory of that night- I bought my first ever pair of high heels for this event. I don’t think I wore them much, since they made me taller than Nate in those days. But I loved them, and just recently got rid of them. They were silver Barbie doll shoes, and thus began a brilliant love affair.
I love thinking back to those days. It felt like standing on the edge of a great precipice, like the world was hovering just beyond my fingertips and I was only a leap away from grabbing it. It was a wonderful, exhilarating, a little bit terrifying, but entirely exciting time in my life. I loved every moment.
Do I need to keep this dress? There is not a chance that I will ever fit into it. Should I save it for an actual child who may one be the right size? Or should I just save the memory and clear out the dress?

** I’m still not sure what to do with this. In the meantime, it’s in the costume closet. What should I do with it?