What’s So Amazing About Really Deep Thoughts?

voltee ♦ November 23, 2010 ♦ 5 Comments

Item: Blouse Color/Fabric: Mist, cotton and a smattering of sprinkles Designer: Free People Where Purchased: TJ Maxx Years Owned: 2
Last week was some week. I have not struggled so much to write since I started doing this. Every day, it just was harder and harder, and I was starting to feel a little suffocated. The week culminated in my annual total physical and emotional meltdown. Like a phoenix I am, though, and feeling ready to face the world again. I guess that it’s just something I have to go through in order to be me.
I did a great deal of thinking about this, and why I’m doing it, wondering if I am in fact achieving my goal. It’s odd, because writing has always been such a fiercely private activity for me, and now here I am. I can’t describe how I feel when someone approaches me and says they’ve been reading this. First it’s a flush of deep pride, and then I feel a little embarrassed, wishing for a second that I have not been writing about such a frivolous topic. Next is doubt that I will be able to hold anyone’s interest for long. And lastly I just feel grateful, very thankful that someone has spent a little of their day with me, no matter how small, and even if it’s just a single time.
And, well, so what if my topic of choice is fashion? Or, really, my topic of necessity? It’s the common thread that has wound its way through the little narratives of my life. I’m not ashamed of that. It’s made my life more colorful. No, I have not always made perfect fashion choices. I have taken my punches on the playground for not always staying in the lines. But I’ve come to appreciate my failures just as much as my successes. It means I’m not being stagnant, that I’m always learning. I think the day that I have it all figured out will be the day that life stops being fun.
So I feel refreshed, and ready to attack this project with even more love.
That being said, I had every intention of wrapping up the never-ending reckoning tonight, but Nate has to help me with the layout of the pictures, and he had too much work to do tonight. Wednesday, he thinks. So, for now, onward!
I do love this little blouse. I remember the day that I found it, squashed and neglected on the TJ Maxx clearance rack. At moments when such treasures are found, there is a happy little sip of breath, followed by a moment when my heart stops beating for a fraction of a second. In that fraction of a second, I am telling myself not to fall too hard, too fast, because there is a chance that this straggler ended up in the Wrong Section, and is not actually my size. I’ve had my heart broken many, many times by such accidents. Luckily, though, this one ended up being just my size.
I wore this when Nate came back from India the very first time, about two years ago exactly. We were going on a date! Just the two of us! And we went to an Indian restaurant in Woodstock.
We had only been to an Indian restaurant together once before, and he hated it. This occasion was really exciting, because Nate was very eager to show me all that he had learned in the two months he spent there.
He ordered all of the food, and I wish I could remember what it all was, but I can’t. I think we got three different curries, two types of naan, and Kingfisher beer, because they had run out of Lychee wine. Yes, it was a feast. And great fun for me to sit back and let Nate educate me about Indian food and culture. But it also made me aware of how long we were apart, and that as much as we tried to fill each other in on everything that happened during that time, there were still many journeys that we took alone. It was the first time I had really felt that in our marriage. It wasn’t a bad thing, by any means. It was just sort of a realization of how united, but separate we are. And I rejoice in that mystery.
After the third trip to India, Nate’s love for Indian food has waned considerably. Sometimes he even gags a little when he smells curry. But I’ll always remember that first time.
Anyway. The blouse is so delicate, and soft, and I love the back:

I don’t wear this much, though. Because it is sort of distinctive, and I feel like people will remember it if I wear it more than once. That’s a compulsion I’ve struggled with elementary school.I do like it, though…

**This one is staying.  It’s special!