Today I Found My Friends.

voltee ♦ October 14, 2010 ♦ 4 Comments

Item: Blouse Color?Fabric: Ruby, silk Designer: BCBG Where Purchased: Marshall’s Years Owned: Six
Here is an addendum to last night’s post for anyone who I inadvertently confused. I did in fact get rid of the size 0 jeans once I found the appropriate size. Aren’t you proud of me?
Well. I think it is fate that I’ve chosen this blouse tonight. All that really happened was that I pulled it out of my closet, looking for something with a bit of color, since I’ve been on a bit of a beige bender for a spell. I realized that I had not worn this in a long time. Perhaps years. The last time I remember wearing it was to my dear friend Dustin’s wedding.
I could not remember when that was. So I decided to check his facebook page to see if it could help me out.
And what do you think I found?
A baby.
A beautiful baby girl with rosy cheeks and her daddy’s mile.
Enter tears.
There is such a thing as a Biological Clock. I can hear it ticking away when I cry over a baby.
Sniff. Tick. Sniff. Tick. That’s what it sounds like.
And for those of you who are thinking, “Oh, that’s sweet! She is crying tears of joy for her friends’ blessing!”
I’m not.
They are bitter bitter tears.
I don’t mean that I’m not happy for my friend. Of course I am thrilled! And then comes an all-encompassing emptiness that steals my breath.
And then, like that, it’s gone. My theory is that I will know that I am ready for a baby when the emptiness takes longer that a few seconds to leave me. Perhaps.
As I was saying, I wore this to my friend Dustin’s wedding and it was an unspecified amount of years ago. Four? Three? Certainly less than ten, which is how long I’ve been married, and still no baby.
I jest. Sort of.
This was not a part of the outfit I had planned to wear. I think I had a dress in mind, and I don’t remember what happened to it. I might have left it at home- it gets hard to remember everything when you have to take a 600 mile train ride.
I made the best of what I had, which was this blouse and black trousers, and I quite liked the outfit. I had to do a reading for the ceremony, which I had never done before. I would rather be a silent brides maid. That I have done many times, and have perfected the technique.
I turn bright red during public speaking events, or presentations, or meetings, or confidential conversations. I’m not sure if wearing red helps me blend and not be as noticeable of a blushing fool, or if it just enhances my crimson glow…
Anyway, I spoke at one other wedding, my sister’s, where I did the Maid of Honor speech. I had written it out beautifully, and thought that I would not need note cards. What happened was that I cried, and said, ” and, I just… love you!” about two hundred times.
Incidentally, the scarf Trixie is wearing is from that wedding. Anytime I’ve worn the shirt, I’ve worn the scarf. They compliment each other well!
So Dustin is one of those people that I haven’t spoken to in much too long. All I have to do is think about him, and a chorus of grunge music echoes in my head.
I remember, one day after high school, telling him how I was going to be in a rock band some day. “And I will sing “Lithium,” except I’ll do it like this.” Singing ensued. His face was all polite bewilderment. “Cool…” he said.
Those were the days!
His wedding was a grand occasion. I got to know his beautiful wife, see many friends I hadn’t seen since high school, spend lots of time with my beloved Andee and Deke, and shake my thang on the dance floor. I also didn’t screw up the reading. A perfect wedding!
Since I have reconnected with this blouse, I kind of am in love with it again. It has this amazing slippery texture that feels so luxurious. And I love the color, truly. Why haven’t I worn this more? I don’t know. I guess that I forgot about it. That’s bad, right?

**I love this color.  I’m keeping this blouse!