The Dentist And Various Other Terrifying Matters

voltee ♦ September 16, 2010 ♦ 3 Comments

Item:  Dress/Tunic   Color/Fabric: Olive, Silk   Designer:  French Connection    Years Owned:  One

What a day it’s been.  Actually, what a month.  September hasn’t been too friendly to me so far.  It’s got 15 days to make it up to me.  Your call, September- let’s see what you got.

Any day that begins with doing payroll before 8am and proceeds onto a dentist visit is bound to be bad. Here’s a little back story.  The dentist, like September, has never really been a friend of mine.  I apparently have been walking around with a mouthful of battery acid for my entire life.  I had my first root canal before I even had adult teeth.  Once I had four cavities in a single tooth.  Four!  I’ve even had a dentist suggest getting a gum transplant.  “Where do you get the new gums?” I asked innocently.  “Well, from someone who has passed away,” said the dentist, and he was not joking with me.  He wanted me to put tissue from a corpse into my mouth.  In my mouth.  A corpse.  I would rather take my chances with my battery acid.

I think I have only made it out of a dental cleaning with no cavities one time.  One time in my entire life.  It sucks.  The sad part is that I take care of my teeth.  I brush at least twice a day.  I do fluoride treatments.  I floss more often than not.  I’ve even rinsed nightly with a substance that’s mainly used to clean surgical equipment.  All to no avail.  I have horrible teeth.

Today was no exception.  As I sit writing this,  I have seven cavities.  Seven!  So many I have to have two visits to fill them up.  It isn’t fair.

Almost a year ago, I was having an emergency root canal.  The third one of my life, and by far the worst one.  Incredibly, it was also the opening night of Pippin.  I was getting out of the dentist chair at 5 o’clock, and the curtain went up at 8.  Contrary to how it sounds, this was actually not fun at alll.  I couldn’t even open my mouth until about 7:15.  It was terrifying.  And painful.

I wish I remembered what I wore that day, but I do know that I wore this dress the following night.  I wore it with these boots: They are my no fail favorite boots, also worn the night I didn’t go to the VMAs, and probably worn more than any other shoe I own.  The more beat up they get, the better they look.  I love them, and will always remember the day I bought them.  I was in Philadelphia for a conference with work with my friend Annie, and of course we went shopping on our lunch break.  We found an Urban Outfitters that was having a huge sale, and I bought these, and two shopping bags full of clothes.  I had great fun carrying them into the conference and squashing them under the table while everyone stared at me.

Anyway, I wore the dress with the boots on Halloween of last year.  After our show, a good friend that I hadn’t seen in ages called and asked me to go out to the bar where he was bartending, so I went for a brief visit.  Halloween in Kingston is terrifying.  I saw many things that I wish I could somehow unsee.  The pinnacle of the evening was when someone called me a horrible name that rhymes with bore and isn’t really boring at all.  Which was funny, since all my flesh was covered except for my knees and wrists.  Except I didn’t laugh at all, and left shortly after.  It was a strange, semi-awful night.

And I’ve never worn this dress since.  I’m not sure if it’s because of that night, or if  I associate it permanently with emergency root canals, or if I do actually think it is too short.  I’ve thought a few times about wearing it as a blouse, but haven’t exactly gotten around to that.  Is a dress that reminds me of the dentist and insults worth saving, even if it’s all floaty and silky and lovely?  

**Still not sure about this one.  I want to try it as a blouse, but haven’t yet.  I can’t decide its fate until I do…