Reasons Why This Week Sucked.
Item: Dress Color/Fabric: Earth tones, cotton Designer: Undetermined Where Purchased: The Salvation Army Years Owned 3
Let me tell you about my week. It has been horendous, and I can’t wait for it to be over. Here are some things that I experienced this week, in no particular order: a lost cell phone, surgical related leg pain, non-surgical related leg pain, tv dinners, apathy, a rotten tomato, rain, neighborly betrayal, the dentist, night terrors, choking, numerous cancellations, a very sick doggie, mismatched socks, a headache, Nicolas Cage’s acting, anxiety, stomach bleeding, severely dry skin, repeatedly dropped phone calls, and insomnia.
Next week will be crazy busy, but it has to be better than this week, right? And then the following week I will be with my baby in Spain! So just taking everything in my stride the best that I can, even the really hard things, like Nicolas Cage.
This dress puts me in a wonderful state of mind. I’ve worn it many times; in fact, this is most likely the single item from Uncle Sal’s that I have worn the most. A floaty dress with a stretchy tube top is so easy to wear in the summer because you just throw it on.
The first time I remember wearing this dress was when we went to see Snoop Doggy Dogg and 311 play a concert on Coney Island. “Snoop Dogg?” you ask. “You?” Yep!
I like Snoop. His music makes me think about High School dances. Plus I find him attractive. I don’t know exactly why, and I’m sure that most of you do not agree, but there it is.
I was on my way to work one day, listening to the radio, and they announced that caller number 10 would win tickets to the concert. We had been wanting to go back down they, when they were saying Coney Island was not long for this world, so we wanted to see it one last time. So I called. And I won!
It was actually the most fun we have both had at a concert, ever. There have been shows where I have a blast, and he is less amused, and shows where he is having fun, and I’m having a little bit less. This one, though, was just right.
Snoop was hilarious. We just laughed and danced and had a great time! It might have been the huge cloud surrounding the crowd around us, but maybe not.
The next time I remember wearing this is here:
This is our very last Hawaiian sunset, and it was spectauclar. We were on Oahu, Land of Lost and schizophrenic Honolulu. We went to see one of my trainers who lived there for two years while his girlfriend did her teaching internship. Not a bad assignment, right? Pam and Troy were great. They had a mango tree in there back yard, and took us to their favorite beach to watch the sunset. It was a gorgeous beach, and there were turtles everywhere. Sea Turtles are to Hawaii sort of what squirrels are to everywhere else. Except, you know, slower and not as chatter-y.
It seemed inconceivable that it was our last night in Hawaii. We all just sat there in silence, enveloped in beauty and salty air, wondering if we could find a way to stay forever.
At least when I miss it I can watch reruns of Lost.
Today I Found My Friends.
Item: Blouse Color?Fabric: Ruby, silk Designer: BCBG Where Purchased: Marshall’s Years Owned: Six
Here is an addendum to last night’s post for anyone who I inadvertently confused. I did in fact get rid of the size 0 jeans once I found the appropriate size. Aren’t you proud of me?
Well. I think it is fate that I’ve chosen this blouse tonight. All that really happened was that I pulled it out of my closet, looking for something with a bit of color, since I’ve been on a bit of a beige bender for a spell. I realized that I had not worn this in a long time. Perhaps years. The last time I remember wearing it was to my dear friend Dustin’s wedding.
I could not remember when that was. So I decided to check his facebook page to see if it could help me out.
And what do you think I found?
A baby.
A beautiful baby girl with rosy cheeks and her daddy’s mile.
Enter tears.
There is such a thing as a Biological Clock. I can hear it ticking away when I cry over a baby.
Sniff. Tick. Sniff. Tick. That’s what it sounds like.
And for those of you who are thinking, “Oh, that’s sweet! She is crying tears of joy for her friends’ blessing!”
I’m not.
They are bitter bitter tears.
I don’t mean that I’m not happy for my friend. Of course I am thrilled! And then comes an all-encompassing emptiness that steals my breath.
And then, like that, it’s gone. My theory is that I will know that I am ready for a baby when the emptiness takes longer that a few seconds to leave me. Perhaps.
As I was saying, I wore this to my friend Dustin’s wedding and it was an unspecified amount of years ago. Four? Three? Certainly less than ten, which is how long I’ve been married, and still no baby.
I jest. Sort of.
This was not a part of the outfit I had planned to wear. I think I had a dress in mind, and I don’t remember what happened to it. I might have left it at home- it gets hard to remember everything when you have to take a 600 mile train ride.
I made the best of what I had, which was this blouse and black trousers, and I quite liked the outfit. I had to do a reading for the ceremony, which I had never done before. I would rather be a silent brides maid. That I have done many times, and have perfected the technique.
I turn bright red during public speaking events, or presentations, or meetings, or confidential conversations. I’m not sure if wearing red helps me blend and not be as noticeable of a blushing fool, or if it just enhances my crimson glow…
Anyway, I spoke at one other wedding, my sister’s, where I did the Maid of Honor speech. I had written it out beautifully, and thought that I would not need note cards. What happened was that I cried, and said, ” and, I just… love you!” about two hundred times.
Incidentally, the scarf Trixie is wearing is from that wedding. Anytime I’ve worn the shirt, I’ve worn the scarf. They compliment each other well!
So Dustin is one of those people that I haven’t spoken to in much too long. All I have to do is think about him, and a chorus of grunge music echoes in my head.
I remember, one day after high school, telling him how I was going to be in a rock band some day. “And I will sing “Lithium,” except I’ll do it like this.” Singing ensued. His face was all polite bewilderment. “Cool…” he said.
Those were the days!
His wedding was a grand occasion. I got to know his beautiful wife, see many friends I hadn’t seen since high school, spend lots of time with my beloved Andee and Deke, and shake my thang on the dance floor. I also didn’t screw up the reading. A perfect wedding!
Since I have reconnected with this blouse, I kind of am in love with it again. It has this amazing slippery texture that feels so luxurious. And I love the color, truly. Why haven’t I worn this more? I don’t know. I guess that I forgot about it. That’s bad, right?
**I love this color. I’m keeping this blouse!
Hey, There, Mrs. Fancy-Pants!
Item: Jeans (First pair!) Color/Fabric: Indigo, polyester/spandex Designer: Kenneth Cole Where Purchased: A yard sale Years Owned: Interesting story… (see below)
I want to begin by asking, How hot does Trixie look in this outfit? Large armholes and all. Work it, Trixie!
Secondly, I would like to say that this is an exciting night, because my eMusic credits refreshed today and I was finally able to get the new Muse album. Here I am, listening to Muse and writing, exactly like Stephanie Meyer. Except instead of sexy vampires I have a buttless dress form. And instead of a best selling book series I am writing a nostalgic blog. Le sigh.
So I haven’t written about a pair of jeans yet, unless you count those unidentified jean-type trousers from the Gap. And I don’t, really. They don’t have cotton in them, and they aren’t blue. Plus everyone hates them. Strikes one, two, and three.
And these aren’t even typical jeans, of the five-pocket variety. They are lacking back pockets, which can be a bit of an crisis situation with jeans.
I fell in love with these jeans when I was living in Michigan, and Value City was still thriving and taking my money, and I coveted them for many a week. I thought that they were timeless, and classy. Fancy jeans, for a sophisticated woman, which might one day turn out to be me. And like all classy, timeless women, I waited for them to find their way to the clearance rack.
This might be my Achilles Heel. Or one of them. I think you are technically allotted two of them, and I do want to save room for something else a little more bad ass.
As I was saying, this might be my Achilles Heel: being unable to resist something that is fabulous and at a ridiculous price, even though it is obviously not my size. I can’t stop doing it. I am helpless.
I did find these for 80% off! But they were a size zero. I have never been a size zero in the lower-body region. I will never be a size zero. I’m sure that day at Value City I dreamed up numerous scenarios where I might one day fit into these. Maybe if i did, like hours of pilates, and hung upside-down every night on an anti-gravity table, my limbs would stretch like taffy and I would transform into a willow-like silhouette. Maybe I could find a way to have my femurs removed. Maybe someday leg transplants will be an out-patient surgery.
Well, the jeans never fit me. I tried a few times, and lost a button in the process and actually lost feeling in my toes.
And then, one day, 2 or three years ago, I found the exact same jeans, Exact! at a yard sale. In my true size! And unworn with tags! miracle!! I think the Moral Of This Story is that Hope Never Dies.
I really haven’t even worn the fitting version of these very often. I wore one of the version, and now I’m thinking it must have been the non-fitting version due to the date, in 2005, when my sister Kelly came to visit me for the most amazing girl’s weekend, ever. I got us tickets to see The Phantom Of The Opera for $20. Certainly, they were not the best seat in the house, but they were $20! For a show on Broadway! I was pleased.
It’s dawning on me that this is now my second post about The Phantom of the Opera. Lest anyone gets the wrong idea about my taste in musical theatre, I vow to write about other shows I have seen, and soon.
And so we took a trip to the Big Apple, all by ourselves, two girls from Ohio who grew up in a corn field. Ok, not literally in the field, there was a house involved, but THAT was in a cornfield. It is absolutely one of the the best trips I have ever taken to the city. We had such a great time! It was almost December, so all was Christmas and sparkly and winter-wonderly.
We attempted to see the lighting of the Rockefeller tree but it did not go well. They never show on tv the crazy herd of animal-people packed in so tight that there is no breathing. There wasn’t even room to leave when we realized the magic was not happening. But we did get to hear some Beach Boys singing as we merrily shoved people out of our way, so that was cool.
We ate dinner at the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. As cheesy as it is, it was a blast. We got to watch as TRL was filmed beneath us, and girls went insane over Chris Brown.
The show was dramatic and loud and gorgeous. And the Majestic Theater certainly warranted the use of fancy-pants jeans.
We finished the evening by trying to take a nice picture of us on our big day. They were all awful. Here’s the best one:
That’s out of, like a dozen. I’m not sure what we expected after being outside in the cold for an entire day. We need to do it again, and get better pictures!
Again, I forget my purpose. Will I wear these ever again?
**I am definitely getting rid of both sizes- 0 and 4. Would anyone like either?
No Ill Will.
Item: Blouse (?) Color/Fabric: Beige, rayon/spandex jersey Designer: Ella Moss Where Purchased: Anthropologie Years Owned: Two
Tonight might be a little brief. I’m not feeling so great. I think the let-down coming off of such a glorious weekend is just too much for my poor little tummy.
So this got me thinking about other times I’ve been ill. I realize this isn’t the best choice for creative inspiration, but it’s all I can do at the moment. That’s what you are getting.
It was around this time last year when we were doing Pippin that I had the worst illness I can ever remember having. Nate and I argue about this a great deal- I am sure that I had the Swine Flu. He is sure that I didn’t. But, conveniently, he was out of the country for the epidemic and missed the entire awful thing. So what does he know, anyway?
It really doesn’t matter what the sickness was called; the point is that it sucked. Hardcore.
We only had two weekends of Pippin, and the first weekend I had to have an emergency root canal. On the first night of the second weekend, I was on stage and gradually felt like my skin was catching on fire. By the end of the performance, I was laying on the dressing room floor because it was cool, and could not move a muscle.
My Lizzie took care of me, drove me home, and even turned around and drove back after I had left my cell phone in the car. And she checked in on me, since I had no husband to look after me.
By Sunday about half of the cast, or maybe more, were terribly ill. Yet somehow we rallied, and gave all that we had for those last shows.
I wore this blouse to the cast party, which was at my house, with a short sleeved blazer and a wide belt. The blazer is necessary, because the the fit isn’t exactly right on this piece. And that is more than likely my fault, since I ordered it two sizes too large. But it was the only size they had left, and I really like Ella Moss clothing; it’s just so soft and comfy. Plus, ruffles are a fun way to add volume to one’s bosom. I really wanted it. I thought that I could just, well, you know, cinch it.
It’s almost a success with a belt and a blazer. But my fever decided to come back that day, and I was roasting. So eventually I had to take off the balzer, and here’s what it looks like from the side:
Those are some gigantic armholes! But at least I felt really comfortable. Well, except for the whole fever and body ache and sore throat thing…
The party ended up being a wonderful time, even with some cast members home sick, and others present, yet feeling like crap. Annie’s mom made tons and tons of delicious food, which was such a blessing to me since my personal chef was in India. I ate leftovers for at least two weeks!
And it was nice to close the show on a high note. Pippin was a very hard show for me. I was just an emotional land mine during that time, and it put too much unnecessary strain on one of my closest friendships. The cast party was sort of a closure, and a confirmation that my friendship was going to survive. But the true ones always do!
The sickness just wouldn’t leave. I remember still feeling sick when it was almost Thanksgiving. Or maybe I just remember it that way as an excuse for my epic failure then. Anyway, it was a horrible flu of some sort that stuck and stuck, and I hope that it never comes back!
I’m not sure what I should do with this blouse. If it was just a little longer, it would be a super cute dress! But, alas, it is not to be.
**This is going. It had a temporary home with my friend Annie, but it didn’t fit her properly. Who wants to try next??
A Trio! The Sequel.
Item 1: Skirt Color/Fabric: Black Satin Designer: Mrs. Matthews (Homemade!) Years Owned: 8 I think? Item 2: Skirt Color/Fabric: Black, triacetate/polyester Designer: Banana Republic Years Owned: 8 Item: Skirt Color/Fabric: Black, polyester/spandex Designer: Rebecca Taylor Where Purchased: Next Boutique Years Owned: 3
What a lovely weekend I’ve had! I’m sad to see it go. I know I won’t get another like it for ages. I discovered something amazing called sunshine, and I enjoyed it very much. I saw some quality theatre. I saw some friends I had missed. I ate breakfast in bed. I performed many body pampering rituals. I kicked a little ass. I spent sometime with my muse, the Hudson River. I made some jewelry that I quite like with a few of my favorite people. I found some great things at a yard sale filled with treasures and treasured people. I ruined an antique blouse by tea-staining it, which made my house smell like I shoved someone’s granny into a pot and boiled her. I got caught up on some favorite tv shows. Whew! What I failed to do was review my Spanish. But still, an amazing weekend!
I also decided that tonight I needed to revisit the Great Black Skirt Streamlining. So I have chosen three to be evaluated.
I could not figure out the best way to photograph these skirts. Trixie has no bum or legs, so it makes things difficult. Well, I’ve done the best I could, which still falls short for sure, and I thought I’d try to describe them to you.
Skirt #1 is sort of a Black Tie type of skirt. It is floor length, A-line, and made of shiny black satin. This was made for me by the mother-in-law of Andee, one of my best friends, for her wedding. So it fits me very well. Of all the bridesmaids dresses I have worn throughout the years, and there have been so, so many, this is one that I thought I would surely wear again. But it just didn’t happen.
The wedding was spectacular. It was just a few days before Christmas, so everything was decorated in winter splendor, and added more to the festiveness. The seating arrangements were all specified according to locations in Middle Earth, which I found clever and whimsical. The love between Andee and Deke, shone brighter than all the Christmas decorations, and I was , and still am, completely in awe of it.
But I don’t know if I will wear this again. I think it may come in handy for a costume someday- should I move it to the Costume Closet? And if I do does that still count for my Black Skirt Total?
Skirt #2 has the worst picture of any of them. It really is very sophisticated and smart, yet a little bit floaty and feminine. It falls just below my knees, and has a sweet little ruched detail at one of the hips.
I found this at Eastwood Shopping Center in Lansing, one of my favorite places in Michigan. The Banana Republic there had better sales than I’ve ever seen at any other Banana Republic. I bought this for $10, and have been quite pleased with my investment.
Unfortunately, if there was an occasion where I wore this that wasn’t a funeral, I can’t remember it. So it is filled with some sad memories. But one does always need something appropriate for such occasions.
Skirt #3 has a much happier history. It is also my favorite and most worn of any other of the Black Skirts. It fits me like it was tailored to my body and it shows of my curves in a way that doesn’t make me self-conscious. The length is super flattering as well, not too long or too short. It’s just right. I feel amazing when I wear this skirt.
I wore this on my most favorite Holiday, President’s Day. You may be wondering why President’s Day is my favorite Holiday, and I can’t say that I blame you. It’s because the President’s Day Sales at Woodbury Common are mind blowing, and it’s close enough to Valentine’s Day that I get a little extra spending power. This particular President’s Day was awesome. I wore this skirt with a white tee-shirt and black boots, with many chain necklaces and felt like a bit of a rock star. We went to Woodbury first, where I found some of my favorite pieces ever, including the purple Marc Jacobs ankle boots of Tommy fame. And then we went for a lovely dinner at one of Nate’s favorite places, The Cheesecake Factory. It’s on his favorite list due to the obscene portions they serve there. We followed the meal by going to see U23D at the Imax. All together, best President’s Day ever!
I do love this skirt, but if public opinion is against it, I may change my mind.
Please vote for the skirt (or skirts) that you like, and also refresh your memory of the first four black skirts I’ve put up (here https://voltee.wordpress.com/2010/09/23/do-doo-do-doo-do-a-trio/ and here https://voltee.wordpress.com/2010/09/20/the-last-train-from-paris/ ). And vote on those, too! Or re-vote if you find that you’ve changed your mind. And don’t forget that you can vote for more than one.
**I am keeping Number Three, without a doubt. Number Two, also. Number One moved to the costume closet, but I’m not sure sure if it will stay…
Cashmere and Edelweiss
Item: Sweater Color/Fabric: Cream, cashmere (with cotton insert) Designer: Robert Rodriguez Where Purchased: Next Boutique Years Owned: Three
Today I present you with one of my most beloved and well-worn articles of clothing. This sweater was part of an order that we received at Next Boutique by accident. I can’t remember why we couldn’t send it back, but that’s what happened, and so most of the order went to 75% off. And I rescued this lovely little thing.
I have almost worn it to pieces. This is something, like dresses, that just makes choosing an outfit easier. Its one piece, so coordination is already accomplished for me. That’s not usually a concept that works well in fashion, but in this case it is harmonious and perfect.
I brought this on our first trip to Europe, and it was great for travel. It’s small and lightweight, but very cozy at the same time. So it was perfect for slightly chilly days.
On that trip we spent a great deal of time in Austria, the Land Of Mozart and Mountains and The Sound Of Music, with beer as crisp as fresh alpine snow and sausages larger than your hand. I wore the sweater when we went to Salzburg. Salzburg turned out to be one of my favorite cities yet. It is small enough to be quaint and charming, but with enough history and beautiful sights to make for a day filled with surprises and awe. And we were not exhausted after thoroughly exploring it, which is always a plus.
Salzburg had the sweetest markets. Although mostly a semi-cheesy tourist confection, I enjoyed multiple Mozart Balls, delicious chocolate and hazelnut balls with a marzipan center. Perfection.
At one market, we bought breads and cheese. I love the breads in Germany and Austria. They are hearty and nutty and dense and filling, yet soft. Just thinking about them makes my mouth water. One of the breads we chose caused the baker to raise her eyebrows. “Zis is a Christmas Bread.” She told us. “Ve save it for ze holidays.” Nate assured her we still wanted to try it.
We figured out what she was trying to warn us of when she calculated our total bill. The bread was 12Euros, which was almost $20 then. Yes, a $20 loaf of bread! We laughed, and decided we would enjoy every bite. Which we did. Well, I ate almost the entire thing. It had an astonishingly hard crust, but was melt in your mouth soft inside, with little pieces of apple. Mmm.
One of the best non-epicurean memories I have of Salzburg is traipsing around locations used in the filming of The Sound of Music. We bought the $20 bread in Residenzplatz Square where Maria is on the bus singing “I Have Confidence In Me!”. And here I am in the sweater:
This is at Mirabel Gardens, where the little Von Trapps run around during part of “Do-Re-Mi”. I did a fair amount of frolicking here.
Another fond memory of Salzburg is visiting the grave of Mozart’s wife. It was in such a serene and beautiful cemetery. The silence was so reverent that it was impossible to be anything but reflective here. A wonderful old man took our picture here. But I wish I had a picture of the man. He was a benevolent spirit, the kindest person I think we met on the whole trip. Anyway, I put a chestnut on her grave. There was a collection of flowers and chestnuts there, and I wanted to pay my respects. I am not entirely clear on the reason chestnuts are put on graves there, but hopefully it is honorable, and not rude.
I’ve worn this many times since, and the wear is starting to show. The cashmere is not as pristine as it once was; it is starting to gather up some pills. I hate that. I did buy a pill-remover for it, but haven’t attempted the actual removal yet. I’m scared to ruin the sweater. And maybe they add character? Is it worth the attempt?
**I still love this, and I’ve helped the pill situation. So it stays!
Easy To Be Hard.
Item: Jacket Color/Fabric: Blue, denim Designer: Anne Taylor Loft Years Owned: 4
First you are going to notice that I have reused this lace cami. I hope it doesn’t throw off your opinions, as it seems to be universally loved. I tried this jacket on Trixie on its own, but it looked strange and a little creepy. And Trixie is just not That Type Of Girl.
So please try to hone your keen observations and critical eyes on just the jacket.This is currently the only jean-type jacket that I own. I am enamored with the concept of the Jean Jacket in general. I think that girls who wear them always look classic and clean, a sort of casual polished look. They look so effortless and easy! But it’s a lie.
I have picked up and fondeled and pondered countless Jean Jackets throughout the ages, 99% of which I agonize over, sweat a little, and then put it back from whence it came. 1% I will buy and then try on with countless outfits and never feel satisfied. It’s just not a look I can pull off. It’s just too hard.
My problem is that I’m really not that creative from the waist down. Let’s face it, it’s usually jeans down there. And almost nothing makes my skin crawl like an all-denim outfit. Except maybe a couple with matching mullets. shudder.
So then I feel limited. I don’t have many pairs of pants not made out of denim. That leaves me with mainly skirts and dresses. Most of the time when I wear a dress it’s for convenience. It’s an all-in-one outfit. Just throw it on and accessorize! Cake. I don’t like to think about what to put on over top.Therefore, most Jean Jackets leave my closet fairly rapidly.
This one, though, is a little different. What I can’t decide is if it’s a good sort of different or a bad sort of different.
I wore this jacket on a really fantastic day. It was my friend Kevin’s 30th birthday, well, maybe not the actual day of birth, I can’t remember, but at the very least, his Birthday Observed. His partner Michael coordinated the best Punk’d ever. Many, many friends and relatives from all over the country came out to Manhattan to see Legally Blonde. Except that we were all scattered throughout the theater, so that when Kevin got there, it was like “This Is Your Life.” He just kept turning and looking in different directions and encountering the face of someone who loved him. His face underwent a kaleidoscope of emotions, a lifetime of feeling in about 90 seconds. It was truly moving, and I moment I’ll never forget. Plus, I didn’t spoil the surprise! I had been terrified that that would just blurt out of me one day. I think I may have had to abstain from wine and coffee in the weeks leading up to the party. Nothing loosens my tongue like wine, except large amounts of caffeine. I was even willing to die to keep my honor; There was an all out kung-fu-celebrity-death-match brawl over this secret. And I did not tell!
Anyway, the show was delightful, just a fun little burst of bubble gum. And afterward, as we were leaving, I feel an alarming explosion on my shoulder, and then a terrifying release. The dreaded Wardrobe Malfunction. I had paired the jacket with a brown sun dress. I think it was a little too sweet of an outfit, which I fear may be this jacket’s ultimate demise. I think the dress must have agreed, for it committed suicide. The strap broke. And when I said explosion, I was not just being dramatic. The strap exploded like it was made out of rubber bands. It wasn’t a gradual sort of thing at all. It was violent. One minute, fine. The next, bra is out. The cup was entirely out there, and I unfortunately was not wearing the jacket at this moment in time.
Ah, such is life.
At least I had this heroic little jacket. I wore it for the remainder of the night, a fabulous dinner with food I can’t forget. And endless great company. And scrapbooks. And, certainly, tears. It was a celebration for the ages.
Anyway, yes, I do still have the dress, and yes, I will one day mend it so don’t ask.
What? I will!
The jacket confuses me. Is it silly, or merely cute? Can I successful pull-off upper body denim?
**I’m not keeping this, but it’s cute. Someone should have it. You?
Baby, Anywhere The Wind Blows…
Item: Dress Color?Fabric: Ruby, Polyester/rayon Designer: Ruby Where Purchased: For once, I can’t remember. But I feel that Value City wouldn’t be too off base. Years Owned: 11
Well, I’m nearly through my first husband-less week. It honestly has not been so great, but I’m still trying for Endless Smiling. Just the effort seems to be helping!
Today I am pondering the dress that I wore to my very own wedding’s rehearsal dinner. Over ten years ago! It seems almost ridiculous that that amount of time has really passed. It seems like a lie. But I know that it has to be true. Particularly in looking at this picture:
Oh such babies we were! I feel like we look even younger than in my Homecoming post picture (which you can see here if you desire). Wow.
One thing that I have to confess, and urgently. After I photographed this today and was checking for the fabric content, I grew alarmed. What’s this? I thought, lifting up the first layer of the dress. There is an enormous dark stain, almost completely covering the front of the dress. I had no idea that it was there. I remember wearing this to a wedding after mine, and figured that the stain must have happened that night. But then, after I uploaded that picture, I could see the stain! It was there for my entire rehearsal dinner! How embarrassing. And how very like me.
I must have known it was there that night. It really isn’t as easy to see as the picture makes it appear. I’m sure I convinced myself that no one would know. But how did it get there? Does anyone out there remember this stain?
So. Tonight I looked at pictures of my rehearsal dinner to freshen my recollections of that evening. There were many smiles that occurred, and a few cringes as well. I am not at all sure what the Pastor is doing in this picture. It could very well be “I’m a Little Teapot!” He ruled that rehearsal and wedding with an iron fist. He actually made my flower girl cry that night, I think because she wanted to hold my hand.
The rest of the evening was wonderful. We were the first of our little group to get married, so it all seemed rather strange and a little surreal. Like maybe it was all just a silly game that we decided to play. But there was an undercurrent of hope, and love, and overwhelming support from some of the best people I have ever known. Plus we just had a great time! There was Italian food that took a lifetime to get to our table, much laughter, and too many flip flops. Obviously.
What has struck me most deeply is how much everyone in my wedding party has changed. My mini-bridesmaid is going to college next year. My flower girl is in high school. There are children and investment bankers among us. It all seems impossible.
I look at my bridesmaids and feel an overwhelming sadness, an yawning emptiness. I have been horrible at communicating. Truly, I am ashamed. Besides the two that are my sisters, I don’t really know what’s going on in most of their lives right now, and that makes my heart ache. What is keeping this from breaking my Week of Endless Smiles is that I know that no matter how much time passes, there are bonds that can never be broken. I know that when I do finally get my act together and reach out to my beloved friends, it will be like only a day or two has passed.
The song that Nate and I danced to on our wedding day, “Windmills,” has proved very true of our life together, but also for all of our friends who stood by us that day. We are now scattered around the country, some even overseas. But I still feel their love in my heart, and hope that they can feel mine. When we do see each other again, it will be worth the wait.
Cut to the dress. I think that to have it dry cleaned would cost more than I actually paid for it. If the stain can even be removed after so much time. It is lovely, though, and looks so flattering on Trixie. What to do?
**The stain came out! But I’m letting it go. Someone, take it, please!!
Enchantment. Rain. A Crossbow.
Item: Tunic Color/Fabric: Animal-esque print, rayon Designer: Kookie (!) Where Purchsed: The Salvation Army (Hereafter reffered to as Uncle Sal’s) Years Owned: 2.5
In case you are wondering who that handsome fellow posing with Trixie is, his name is Buddah. I think he may be in love with Trixie. He just walked in circles around her, rubbing his little head against her flat tummy. I couldn’t get him to stop. I finally decided to just go ahead and take the picture with them both. It’s a very cohesive look, yes?
Anyway, today I am desperately fighting a looming tidal wave of sadness. And not very well. When a melancholy comes a-knockin’, I admit that I am prone to give in. In fact I like to encourage it, feed it with sad songs and wine, and just really wade out in it and let it swallow me up like quicksand.
Week of Endless Smiling! Week of Endless Smiling! Oh, but it’s chilly and rainy, I have a lovely Merlot, and Ryan Adams is singing to my soul! Enter long, forlorn sigh.
Maybe I can coast on this wave for a spell. I chose this tunic today, because two years ago today I was wearing it in most magical Prague, which was similarly chilly and rainy, and yet not sad in the least..
I bought this on one of my favorite types of day: a Wednesday with Lisa. Wednesdays are half price at Uncle Sal’s, and I meet my friend Lisa for coffee, followed by the shopping. Sometimes I am certain that Lisa is enchanted. If I go to Uncle Sal’s on my own, I don’t find anything useful or even pretty. It all looks like cast offs from Dynasty, with shoulder pads, appliqué, and wine stains. Plus everything smells bad. But when Lisa is there, she’ll say, “Oo, look” and reach into the rack and pull out something made by a famous Italian designer. It really is wondrous!
I’m not sure why exactly I thought this tunic would be appropriate on my first European escapade. I think I brought mostly inappropriate clothing. I wore this with skinny jeans, a cropped leather jacket, and pirate boots. Here I am shooting a crossbow: 
No, this does not give you a very good idea of what the tunic looks like on me, but it does give you a good idea about how I look shooting a crossbow. Pretty badass, right? Well, sure, if you emphasize the “bad” part. I nearly killed the poor man who ran this attraction. I was so terrible that one of the arrows I shot was not even able to be located afterward. Ever again. It was never found. Some tourist probably was not able to board his airplane because it was lodged in his camera case. Maybe he’s still locked in Czech prison.
Anyway, at first I felt bad about losing the arrow. And then I thought, well, why in the world would anyone give a crossbow to a girl in an animal print tunic? What did he expect, really?
A few words regarding Prague. Most of the time, if you read a book, or listen to anyone talk of Prague, the words “Fairy tale” are never far behind. And it’s a phrase that does not do such a city justice. There is a deep magic thriving in Prague. It is old, ancient and ever-changing. And completely palpable. But I could never really put my finger on where it came from. Sometimes it would be in an uneven cobblestone. And then in a sea of red roofs. And then in the eyes of a stone gargoyle. And then in the lights that swam on the surface of the turbulent river. And then on the graceful point of a steeple. And then the living green sheen of a statue. And then the vibrant red of a rain-soaked rose.
Until finally I understood. It is merely a city of unfathomable mystery. And dark, bloody history. It is something I can only feel, and never find adequate words to tell.
Here is what Prague can do to a couple:
We were truly amazed by this couple’s intensity. They made out, oblivious to everything, including obnoxious Americans taking their picture, for a long time. At least as long as we stood there gawking. And they were still going well after we moved on. There were no signs of slowing. I have never dreamed that two backpack wearing individuals could reach such heights of passion. Perhaps they are still there, too. Staging a demonstration until the person incarcerated for carrying my arrow onto an airplane is released.
Well, how are we feeling about the tunic?
**I am keeping this, even though it doesn’t seem to be popular. I like it.
Neon Heart, Day-glow Eyes
Item: Camisole Color/Fabric: Copper and gold, Rayon/Nylon Designer: Express Years Owned: 8
In keeping with my Week of Endless Smiling, here is one cheerful little cami. This is a piece that vanished for at least a year or two, and I had convinced myself that I must have bagged it in an over-zealous closet purge, that it was lost to me for all time.
And then a few weeks ago, I found it on my closet floor, beneath a suitcase and a little hanger graveyard. Hoorah!
I’d missed it. Plus, lace is making a big comeback this season.
Together again, Lace Cami and I. I am fond of it, and my reasons are three-fold.
One, it is versatile and charming and looks completely vintage.
Two, I wore this out dancing at the Steelhouse in Kingston on the very first night I hung out with the cast of Chicago. I don’t remember much of the actual evening, except a great deal of smirking at a go-go dancer in a cage who could not actually dance, and a great deal of totally awesome dancing with my new friends, who could.
And Three, I wore this to my first (and only) Secret Show in New York City.
I have always been fascinated by the concept of a Secret Show. A Secret Show is when a band decides to play at a small club, or some non-traditional location. Except that only a few people are told, there are no tickets sold, and those who are lucky enough to be in the know are treated to a free concert. And sometimes they are the stuff of legends, like when the Beatles played for the last time as a band, on a rooftop in London.
It seems like, historically, most Secret Shows occur in cities like New York, and not often in locations like Lansing, Michigan, or Bowling Green, Ohio. So when I moved out where, I was certain that I would one day attend a Secret Show.
And wouldn’t you know it, I did! And not just any Secret Show; it was U2, my favorite band in the world since I was 12.
Late one night in early November in 2004, I received a cryptic email stating that if I wanted to see an awesome concert for free by a legendary band, I should print the page and take it to the Brooklyn Bridge the following day. Like a scavenger hunt! How mysterious. Since U2 was due to have an album out that week, and I love mysteries, my heart just about exploded. I was certain that U2 would be the ‘secret’ band. I had nary a doubt.
So I made Nate take off work, on a whim and a hope, and we headed to the City on a gorgeous day. He is an amazing man, for doing these crazy things that he has absolutely no interest in whatsoever. He does them solely to make me happy. I adore that. How blessed I am.
Even though it was November, I felt comfortable in my lace cami and a sweater. And by the time we made it down to the Brooklyn Bridge, I was actually sweating. We had never walked over the bridge before, and it’s actually a bit of a workout- the sweater came off about a quarter of the way over! But oh, the view. It was spectacular. My heart was full and shining and so happy, even if the concert didn’t actually happen.
Because there was much uncertainty. We were herded into a waiting area with a mass of people with printed emails like mine, and no one was entirely sure what we were there for. Many people were convinced the ‘secret’ was Bon Jovi. And someone actually said “Nickleback.” I choked down a tiny bit of vomit, and told myself that no matter what, it was a perfect day for a show, and in a breath-taking location, and that I would have a great time. But I have to admit that I did whisper a very quick little prayer that it would not be Nickleback.
After hours of waiting and hoping and fearing, finally my Irish boys did come and play for us. By that time everyone was allowed to come into the park, and there ended up being around 10,000 people there. Here’s what it looked like:
Sorry you can’t see the lace cami. It’s in there somewhere… New York City is mesmerizing- what a backdrop for a concert! I will never forget the sparkle and shimmer of the city lights as I listened to the music I so loved.
And although my Secret Show may not have been all that historic, it did make the news- my parents even saw it in Ohio. And I had an honestly perfect evening.
**I definitely want to keep this. But it’s disappeared again! I can’t understand it. When I find it I will wear the crap out of it!
I Am What I Wore 