Too Much Is Not Enough!

voltee ♦ March 4, 2013 ♦ 2 Comments

Item: Dress/Tunic Color/Fabric: Black/Floral, cotton/silk Designer: Kenar Where Purchased: Marshall’s Years Owned: 3

I started writing this one week and one day ago. I wrote until I was physically and emotionally unable to form coherent words. And then I busied myself with knickers, buttons, swings, and corsets for a week. Now I am back, and missing you!!
So I am still decompressing from an unbelievable Hawaiian Escapade. I am still struggling a bit with jet lag, and feel a little murky and unsure of day, date, or time. Feeling, though, fairly certain of place. I am in New York. I am no longer in Maui.
This is not as awful as it sounds.
It is slightly awful, however.
Mostly I am just a vicious whirlpool of emotion.
Today will be my only opportunity to unpack everything all week, and so I had to take it. But unfolding, straightening, and putting everything back in its home has filled me with such sorrow.
Clothing I didn’t get to wear. Clothing I wore, but can’t remember exactly when. Clothing that, when lifted, deposits tiny grains of sand onto my bed.
But I think the saddest part is travel brochures about life changing adventures we didn’t have a chance to take.
Shiny, happy pamphlets featuring shiny, happy people who will remain on a zipline in a jungle canopy for all eternity. Or at least until the company decides to change their add campaign.
There’s just never enough time, is there?
Or money. There’s just never enough time or money, is there?
At the start of our journey, twelve long, luxurious days stretched before me, full of promise. Twelve empty pages eagerly waiting to be filled. And as a few days passed, still it seemed that way. We have over a week left! I would think, jubilantly. And then, We have an entire week still! Next, Almost a full week!
Followed, inevitably, as our vacation became more than halfway over, by We only have a few days left! I began to feel panicky, rolling down a hill and gaining momentum with every day, every hour.
I tried to drown such thoughts, focus on the present, eagerly devour every moment of paradise.
And I did!
We had a wonderful, awe-inspiring time.
Every so often, though, there came the sad certainty that we would have to leave.
Not that that’s a bad thing! There are so many good things about being home; our furry babies, our awesome friends and co-workers, getting back into our daily rhythms.
My heart does thrill a bit at the thought of routine, and structure. And it also quails a bit, at the same time.
It’s hard to get thrown out of paradise into the exact same world you live with day by day.
It’s also inevitable.
I know that.
I just have such a hard time adjusting to life. When something looms on the horizon that I am anticipating, I let my imagination fill to the brim. I spend so long dreaming and fantasizing about the exotic lands to be explored. I live there much longer than 12 days.
And then, when it’s over, I feel displaced. Lost.
Currently, my horizon is empty.
I have nothing to plan for.
Nothing to dream about.
But wait!
That’s a good thing, right? That means I’m working with an empty canvas.
I can create a new dream from scratch.
And so I shall!
I also have stories to tell, of whales and rainbows, volcanoes and turtles, wind, rain, and sand.
First, though, the tale of an unworn tunic. This was one of the space-takers in my suitcase. It seemed like it would be perfect; cotton, and easy enough to throw over a swimsuit. Cute enough to wear with sandals to dinner.
But I the right moment for this never did present itself. I almost included this with my last yard sale, since I’ve only ever worn it once; to the cast party for Psycho Beach Party, a delightful show I had a tiny part in but thoroughly loved. I wore it with leggings, which was a mistake.
It’s too thin, really, for leggings, even though I think it’s long enough. I think this should most likely be worn with gauzy wide-legged pants. And towering espadrilles.
I do like the obi-like silk sash, and the wide sleeves, and that the floral is dark enough to not be so girly-girly. I just haven’t really given it a chance. I don’t wear floral prints, really, ever.
I told myself that I was saving it for Hawaii.
But since I didn’t actually wear it, does it warrant another try?