A Thousand Words.

voltee ♦ January 4, 2011 ♦ 1 Comment

Item: Sweater Color/Fabric: Turquoise, Acrylic/nylon/mohair Designer: Dex Where Purchased: TJ Maxx Years Owned: 2
I have to confess that I am still not feeling like myself. I’m not exactly sure what the problem is, but I’m trying to just keep going and get back into a normal routine.
So I am not planning, really, to write a thousand words tonight. And in fact I’m fairly certain I’m not even going to get half of that. But I was thinking about that old saying about a picture being worth a thousand words after I was doing some sorting through my old internet picture files. And found this:

This picture was from New Year’s Eve in 2009. It was the first time I had worn this sweater, even though I’d had it for a while. It’s one of those sweaters with that fuzzy look that I love in theory, but in reality makes me itch like crazy. And up until then I had a difficult time deciding what to pair with such a vibrant blue.
Last New Year’s Eve was celebrated in much the same way as this year, at my dear friends Kevin and Michael’s, surrounded by people that I adore, eating delicious snacks by the fistful, contemplating the year before us.
A few notable exceptions this year was JLo’s unitard, and Lizzie, who I am hugging fiercely in the above picture.
That looks like a world champion hug! It should have been, since we locked ourselves in the bathroom for secrets and tears for a large portion of the evening! But I do feel a little cheated that I didn’t get to hug Lizzie on New Year’s this year. Especially since I’m not sure how long it will be until I see her again, and I iss her already.
Hence, something that I really am determined to work on this year (and I don’t want to say the word ‘resolution’ after experiencing the New Year’s madness at the gym today. Whoah!); I am going to get better at communicating with the people I love who are far away from me.
I’m horrible at keeping in touch. Awful. Even (especially?) my family. Mostly it’s because I hate talking on the phone. I even loathe the act of making a call. I have a weird sort of paranoia about it- I don’t know why. It just scares me, and at time to tears. This is one reason why I am certain I am not an adult yet. I think that when I am an adult this simple task will be ust that- a simple task. But I’ve gotten so much better and more comfortable with expressing how I feel via keyboard- one of the reasons I am very grateful for phenomenon of texting.
That kind of makes me sad- like I’m more robot than human at this point. I can’t help it, though. Writing just seems to be my chosen medium.
I know that I have way too many friends out there where so much time has elapsed since I’ve reached out to them that they probably have forgotten my existence. And it probably feels like I have forgotten theirs, but this isn’t true. Every single day I think about so many people that have touched my life. I need to start showing it.
Maybe I won’t find the courage to actually pick up the phone, but an email is still something, right? If I start there, I feel like I can actually improve on this communication handicap of mine.
Anyway, there’s a brief synopsis of what’s been clogging up my brain for the last few days. Hopefully now I can de-clutter a little.
The sweater, I am torn about. I love the color, and the lace details, and the funny little buttons. But it doesn’t feel that great. It’s not the most itchy sweater I’ve ever worn, but it’s not the least either. There are many sacrifices I am willing to make for fashion. As long as I’m not breaking out in hives (which clothing has caused me to do in the past), I can deal with a little discomfort. Is this one worth it, though?

**This was great on stage, and I still love the color, so it’s staying for a while longer.