Hey, There, Mrs. Fancy-Pants!

voltee ♦ October 13, 2010 ♦ 3 Comments

Item: Jeans (First pair!) Color/Fabric: Indigo, polyester/spandex Designer: Kenneth Cole Where Purchased: A yard sale Years Owned: Interesting story… (see below)
I want to begin by asking, How hot does Trixie look in this outfit? Large armholes and all. Work it, Trixie!
Secondly, I would like to say that this is an exciting night, because my eMusic credits refreshed today and I was finally able to get the new Muse album. Here I am, listening to Muse and writing, exactly like Stephanie Meyer. Except instead of sexy vampires I have a buttless dress form. And instead of a best selling book series I am writing a nostalgic blog. Le sigh.
So I haven’t written about a pair of jeans yet, unless you count those unidentified jean-type trousers from the Gap. And I don’t, really. They don’t have cotton in them, and they aren’t blue. Plus everyone hates them. Strikes one, two, and three.
And these aren’t even typical jeans, of the five-pocket variety. They are lacking back pockets, which can be a bit of an crisis situation with jeans.
I fell in love with these jeans when I was living in Michigan, and Value City was still thriving and taking my money, and I coveted them for many a week. I thought that they were timeless, and classy. Fancy jeans, for a sophisticated woman, which might one day turn out to be me. And like all classy, timeless women, I waited for them to find their way to the clearance rack.
This might be my Achilles Heel. Or one of them. I think you are technically allotted two of them, and I do want to save room for something else a little more bad ass.
As I was saying, this might be my Achilles Heel: being unable to resist something that is fabulous and at a ridiculous price, even though it is obviously not my size. I can’t stop doing it. I am helpless.
I did find these for 80% off! But they were a size zero. I have never been a size zero in the lower-body region. I will never be a size zero. I’m sure that day at Value City I dreamed up numerous scenarios where I might one day fit into these. Maybe if i did, like hours of pilates, and hung upside-down every night on an anti-gravity table, my limbs would stretch like taffy and I would transform into a willow-like silhouette. Maybe I could find a way to have my femurs removed. Maybe someday leg transplants will be an out-patient surgery.
Well, the jeans never fit me. I tried a few times, and lost a button in the process and actually lost feeling in my toes.
And then, one day, 2 or three years ago, I found the exact same jeans, Exact! at a yard sale. In my true size! And unworn with tags! miracle!! I think the Moral Of This Story is that Hope Never Dies.
I really haven’t even worn the fitting version of these very often. I wore one of the version, and now I’m thinking it must have been the non-fitting version due to the date, in 2005, when my sister Kelly came to visit me for the most amazing girl’s weekend, ever. I got us tickets to see The Phantom Of The Opera for $20. Certainly, they were not the best seat in the house, but they were $20! For a show on Broadway! I was pleased.
It’s dawning on me that this is now my second post about The Phantom of the Opera. Lest anyone gets the wrong idea about my taste in musical theatre, I vow to write about other shows I have seen, and soon.
And so we took a trip to the Big Apple, all by ourselves, two girls from Ohio who grew up in a corn field. Ok, not literally in the field, there was a house involved, but THAT was in a cornfield. It is absolutely one of the the best trips I have ever taken to the city. We had such a great time! It was almost December, so all was Christmas and sparkly and winter-wonderly.
We attempted to see the lighting of the Rockefeller tree but it did not go well. They never show on tv the crazy herd of animal-people packed in so tight that there is no breathing. There wasn’t even room to leave when we realized the magic was not happening. But we did get to hear some Beach Boys singing as we merrily shoved people out of our way, so that was cool.
We ate dinner at the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. As cheesy as it is, it was a blast. We got to watch as TRL was filmed beneath us, and girls went insane over Chris Brown.
The show was dramatic and loud and gorgeous. And the Majestic Theater certainly warranted the use of fancy-pants jeans.
We finished the evening by trying to take a nice picture of us on our big day. They were all awful. Here’s the best one:
That’s out of, like a dozen. I’m not sure what we expected after being outside in the cold for an entire day. We need to do it again, and get better pictures!
Again, I forget my purpose. Will I wear these ever again?

**I am definitely getting rid of both sizes- 0 and 4.  Would anyone like either?